Nearly Horrible One Liners Tweeting or Sharing!

• What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
• What’s the last thing that goes thru a bug’s mind as he hits the windshield? His butt.
• Knock knock- who’s there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub I’m dwounding!
• The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
• What goes “ha ha thump”? A man laughing his head off.
• What did the grape say when he was pinched? Nothing, he gave a little wine.
• What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
• Why are pirates so mean? I don’t know, they just arrrrrrrrr!
• Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!
• What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner.
• Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?
• Who’s there?” … “Control freak. Okay now you say, ‘Control freak who?”
• What do you call cheese that’s not yours? It’s nacho cheese.
• What do you get when you put a candle in a suit of armor? A knight light.
• Have you heard about corduroy pillows?! They’re making headlines!
• Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba-dum Tish!
• There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley, one was assaulted.
• What do you call a sleepwalking nun… A roamin’ Catholic.
• How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
• What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
• Why did the orange stop? Because, it ran outta juice.
• What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
• Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Cow wh- MOOOOOOO!
• Why did the storm trooper buy an iphone? He couldn’t find the Droid he was looking for.
• Knock knock…who’s there? I eat mop. I eat mop who? Ooooo gross! (now do you get the earlier one?)
• Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
• Why did the stop light turn red??? You would too if you had to change in the middle if the street!
• Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer, the bartender says sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.
• What do you do with a dead chemist …. You Barium.
• What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull? – Lipstick!
• A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables…the bartender says, buddy, I’ll serve you as long as you don’t start anything.
• Two cows are sitting in a field, and one says to the other, “so, how about that mad cow disease? Scary stuff, right?” To which to other replies, “terrifying. But what do I care? I’m a helicopter.”
• How does Jesus make tea???? Hebrews it.
• What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino!
• What did the farmer say when he couldn’t find his tractor? “Where’s my Tractor?!”
• Have you heard about the duck that was arrested for dealing? He was selling “quack”.
• What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
• How do you catch a unique rabbit? You ‘neek’ up on it.
• How do you catch a tame rabbit? The ‘tame’ way.
• What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE!